Road to recovery

Well since I have been feeling like a piece of crap lately I decided to try a few new things to get back on track. My dear friend Dannielle sent me some information on a natural way to lose weight and to feel great. I went to my first appointment on Monday, I was sick and feverish but I thought it was important to go. I am sure glad I did.


I am embarking on a journey which includes acupuncture, vitamin b shots, eating well, and exercise. I just want to feel better more than anything else. I know I am seasonally depressed. The last couple cold days of winter are painful. I am so lame. I don't even want to hang out with me. I am tired and sluggish and just grouchy. I need some sunshine. I need some warm breezes of spring. I just need different than cold and overcast.

I'm sorta excited to start this program. I love programs. I will also add my new knowledge from that book I have been reading. Its called Women, Food and God. AMAZING!! So full of insight. I am a very fast reader and this small book has taken me weeks because it is so freaking deep. It says that emotional eating is an addiction like all the others out there. You need to handle it by listening to what your body actually wants and only eating that. I have learned that my body actually has no desire for cheese doodles...weird huh? Thought I would beg to differ with my body and got the craps for my trouble. Stupid body plays dirty. Really dirty.


Even though I feel like a slug right now, I know that it's because I am going through a growth spurt. My soul is growing because I am healing, and healing anything drains you. How exciting to see the product of this growth spurt. I will probably feel like a million bucks when it's all said and done, maybe I might be able to do some work towards the stage, or more importantly I might just feel at peace with myself. MMMMMM SWEET PEACE.



Yesterday while I was snoozing in my bed I had a dream about my brother. It's been a while so I thought he forgot the address. In the dream he said to me " I missed you Nell, I missed the fearless and crazy sister I left behind. Its good to see you again. Be fearless. Be crazy. Be my Nell." Then we clunked beer mugs together ( I always see him in a pub) and we both drank to better times ahead. Waking up from that dream I felt so many things, super excited that I saw Jay, super scared that I was challenged to be fearless, and confused because I am CRAZY. How much more crazy does he want me??!! Lonnie bin crazy??!! Then I figured it out, he wants me to be crazy enough to beat my fears, pound down doors to get noticed, get on that stage with a devil may care attitude and freaking own my talent!!


I'm on my way, every day I am getting stronger and stronger. I'm forgiving myself my faults, I am getting more confident to take risks, I'm learning how to use better judgement and most importantly I'm leaning on others like I have never done before. I hear people's stories and I trust them with mine. Terrifying. I have been very private for a long time so its a work in progress but I am sorta loving it. I just want everyone to know I'm in a restful state and will probably not be going too far from my home. I just need to listen to my body and reflect and prepare for changes. THAT, and if I don't do my laundry soon I may have to hire some monkey;s to do it for me and they always mix colors with whites. Damn monkeys. I actually wish I could hire some monkeys. I know they fling poo but at least my clothes would be spring fresh...for a while. I might have to wear my clothes inside out tomorrow for work.

SIGH.
Road to recovery better lead to the laundry room first.

Life and future later.