Dear World

Dear World,


Can you let me walk to my van just once without slipping on ice and sliding across the van that I haven't washed since Christ was a boy.

Can I make it onto Deerfoot without calling another driver a Douche bag?

Can I drink one beverage without wearing most of it on my boobs?

For one day can I think before I speak?

Can you make it so I don't feel like crap when I drink milk? I miss milk. One day with Milk!!!

Can you let a couple pixies at the gym wipe out on the treadmill? Nothing serious. Just a little wipe out.

Can you get my kids to pick up after themselves and maybe learn to cook?

Can you let me shave my legs just once without a gusher?

Can I not be a bleeder?

Can you help me with my laundry situation? Bring Holly back. She likes it. I miss her nice Bounce smell.

Can you give me a shitless cat. I hate the litter box duty.

Can my son call me when he doesn't need money or advice, because quite frankly, that is the blind leading the blind? I need money and advice!!

Can you help my husband choose when I don't look all puffy and sickly to want to get it on. I would like to have my hair done and some kind of eye cream on at least?

Can you make my taste buds enjoy salad?

Can you make it so cheese doodles don't interest me or lure me with its sexy curves and sweet soft cheese powder?

Can you just grow flowers in my garden? I don't know what is going on in that garden and I am scared to pluck the wrong thing so I let it have that...natural look...aka ugly. Weeds are sorta the master of disguises.

Can you make drinking wine acceptable in the work place?

Can you make Skor bars not cut up my tongue, same thing with salt and vinegar chips and sunflower seeds?

Can you help me put my fat suit on backwards? I miss tying my shoes and breathing at the same time, or picking up stuff on the floor.

Can you make it so nothing falls on the floor? Maybe on a nice table or shelving unit...but please not the floor.


Can you have this all done by the end of the day?

Love,

Raquel