The good stuff

During meditation, I have been traveling down memory lane. Man I live one funny life.

Here are some of my newly remembered  hilarious moments.


In grade 6 I had a very bad cold, there was this guy in my class that I had a major crush on, he finally noticed me and I went to smile at him and breathed out my nose and blew a snot bubble. Awesome. I was called snot bubble girl most of that year.


I was at a friends party waiting in line for the bathroom when my friend shouted that her parents came home early and that we all had to jump from third storey balcony. I was spazing because I'm terrified of heights, but my boyfriend coaxed me by saying he wouldn't let anything happen to me. I finally jumped and landed on my rump with a big bang, I felt this warm sensation coming from between my legs and I freaked saying I had internal injuries, jumping up and down. My boyfriend calmed me down and had a look...to discover I peed my pants. Awesome.

Another time a guy asked me if I did oral sex. I said I had to get back to him. I went to my friend Sue and asked her what it meant. She said " Well Roach, oral means mouth and sex is ...well sex so it must mean talking dirty" OF COURSE!!! So I went back to the boy, and said " Hey, I would love to have oral sex." He grinned like he won the lottery. Then asked me when. I said right now is fine. He looked confused. I got nervous and said," well I will start if you want." He looked further confused and so I said "or you can?" He then said "Um...when?"
I said "Right now is fine" Then he blushed. "Here??!!" We had all our friends around us at a baseball game. "Yep sure. I'm not shy...hahaha are you?"
"So you want to give me a BJ in front of everyone?"
"WHAT NO!!! GROSS."
He then burst out laughing. " You don't know what oral sex is? Do you?"
"Well I do now, and you can beat it, pervert."
Awesome.

School mascot. I had a helper that was suppose to make sure I don't walk into anything or get beaten by children ( it happens folks watch your children, they are vicious, they bite too) Anyways, mine was trying to pick up a guy and wasn't any where in site. I decided to get on a railing and wave our flag, my big Griffen feet didn't fit very well and I fell 8 feet to the ground landing on my back, I was  totally winded. I couldn't breathe or move and a little kid comes up and jumps up onto my belly. DOUBLE WINDED! Then he proceeds to loogie on my face area. Try catching your breathe in a hot, mean, smelly costume, isn't for the faint of heart. My "not" watcher, came running up and whipped the kid off me and whispered into my mask "Are you dead?"
"No" I croaked, "But you will be when I get out of this."
She left me.
Awesome.

Jason and I. Well pretty much everything we did together was stupid. LOL. But on this occasion we decided to smoke some teabags together. We heard about it some where. So we grab some teabags and some loose leaf paper and went outside to the shed, we took 5  whole bags and rolled them into a huge joint. We then decided we needed scotch tape to hold it together because licking it wasn't working.

LOL...omg I cant even continue because I'm laughing so much....anyways...Jason holds it up and sniffs along the length of it again and says "Let the good times begin"

I grinned and said, "I wonder how screwed up we're going to get?"

Wise guy Jason says " Who cares? Whats the worst that can happen?"  We then looked around the shed. It had an ax, pruning sheers, gasoline, a lawn mower...many tools of  carnage. We both started laughing, maybe we shouldn't do it in here.

"So Nell, what are our options?  We do all our stupid stuff in this shed cuz if Dad catches us he will put his foot up our asses"
"Um, how about the Alley behind the Telus Store? It's close and we can hide  if there's trouble."
"Perfect." Smiled Jay.
Gripping our prized possession we bike over to the Telus alley. Jason pulled out our Tea joint, and gives it another sniff. "What kind of tea did you grab?" He asked me.
" I don't give a shit! Tea is tea." I scoffed.
"Yeah, but if its mint, it might burn the inside of our nose!"
"Well you've been sniffing it, what does it smell like?!"
"Loose leaf and tape."
I sighed impatiently. "I don't care, lets do this."
"Alright fine. I'll start it. I swear Nell if it burns my nose hairs out, you will taste my wrath."
I rolled my eyes. 
His wrath was embarrassing if anything.
"Do it!" I barked. I wanted to get it over with so we could get high and do stupid things.

Jason takes out his Zippo and holds the giant joint to his mouth. "This going to be awesome."
He puts the lighter up to the paper, and starts lighting it and puffing in. Over and over and over again.
"What's going on?" I said.
"Won't light." He gasped.
"Let me try." I huffed and puffed and tried and tried and nothing would get our magic joint to work.
"Well this is lame." Jason laughed.
I licked the sides of the joint. "I saw that on a movie, maybe it needs moisture." Tried again. It was worse.
Jason ripped open the joint and sniffed the tea bags. "Well, on the bright side...it was mint."
I laughed.
He laughed. 
We went home.
Left our joint in the alley.

This last one will be in my book for sure. I've been playing with the idea of making the book a series. Book one will start with G. I think I will start with where my troubles started. When I met G,  Jason was still alive, so it will touch on my relationship with him, and it will play out as it really did.

The second book will be about Jerry and losing my mom and the slow descent into dark. The choices I made and why and even if I never publish this book, it will help me cheer for myself and figure out how the bad decisions were made.

It is the single most therapeutic thing I am doing.

My story.
Hopefully it has a happy ending

...no wait!!!

It already does.

Our true worth.

One Flaw In Women


Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their family and friends.

Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

However, if there is one flaw in women. . .

it is that they forget their true worth.

~Author Unknown ~