Being a mother is the hardest job I have ever had. It’s also the longest gig I have ever held. Usually I get annoyed with a job and quit or suck so bad they fire me. I have tried both with this job and still have the position.
I am not a natural mother. I have had to grow into the role that’s for sure. Then again I was only 16 when I had "T" and so I really had to grow-up. That was torture to both "T" and I. Here I was young, selfish, a irresponsible disaster, trying to take on a role that takes experience, knowledge and lots and lots of patience. I was doomed. I remember lots of times asking "T" what was I suppose to do. He would drool and smile at me... then spit up all over me. Obviously he isn't the guru I needed. So I looked to my mom for guidance. She, with her knowledge, patience and love taught me the basics and hoped that the rest; meaning bonding, love, respect and patience would follow. It took a while. I sure fought the system. Here was this drooling, loud, annoying early riser, stinky, needy being, intruding on my life. I remember waking up at his 6am morning time and complaining to him. "T" I feel its unreasonable to be up at this time. I feel you should just lay there and wait till a more reasonable 11am." His answer was to crap himself and cry until I wanted to rip my hair out of my skull. I tried to feed him, I tried to sing to him, I goo goo ga ga'd and yet the crying persisted. I finally called my mother at work, crying with "T" and said " He hates me...it's nothing else but that!!" My mom told me she was on her way home. And when she got there she took the sobbing, wet and hysterical mess away from me, told me to shower cuz I smelled like sour milk and anger and then an amazing thing happened. He stopped crying. She cooed to him and he sighed and fell asleep. ARGH!!!
It went on like this for a very long time. He took his first steps to my mom, he smiled at my mom, he said his first word to my mom. I was sucking bad.
Then one day my mom took me aside and said "This is your son. You have to be there for this stuff. You will regret it if you don't." She stepped out. I stepped in. ARGH. The minute "T" noticed I was in charge again he freaked. He kicked, he screamed, he freaked again. And then one day...it stopped and he reached for me to comfort him and I wanted to. We became great pals. Not really mother and son yet but pals. We went for walks, played, when to the beach (he got a sunburn, I learned about sunscreen and hats) and really finally bonded.
How wise of my mom to know how important that was going to be. While playing and hanging with him I was learning how to mother as well. I learned to carry Kleenex in my pocket because he was always slobbery, to bring extra bottles in the diaper bag when I went out with him because he was always hungry. Diapers were everywhere because he crapped like a full grown adult and the times I didn't have one I paid for it. I knew his sleeper size because after trying to wedge him into some that were to small and watching him try to walk around on bent toes I learned two things. One. You can cut the feet of the sleeper off to make it last longer or. Two he needs a new sleeper he is growing. I learned to keep us both on a schedule because being up late at night then up at "T's" morning hour was painful.
Before I knew it, I was a mom. A full on mom. Was I the best mom? Probably not. No for sure not. Was I still young, irresponsible and unorganized? YEP. But I was the best mom for "T" I don't think he would have traded me in for anyone...well maybe Grandma. She was his favorite. I was a very close second.
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