Giving Credit

Look I may have the worst credit in history. But I give credit constantly.

I look around me and see the great things about everyone. Everyone has self esteem issues. Even the most confident person you know has something that makes them fell like poo. A few compliments always make things better for a while.
Want to know one of my phobias? Compliments. I don't really feel comfortable getting them. I squirm like a worm. I guess I don't feel like I earn them. Sure I am funny, quirky, a great friend and family member but I don't think I earned that. I think of all the people that gave that gift to me first and then I gave it back. Like funny for instance, I got that from a series of people. Dad. Geez he is funny, Jason...funny. My mom in her dry dead pan way...funny. It was bound to catch. And I guess like others, I think I could have done better.

My motto is this: "What you think of me is none of my business". Good huh? Hard to live by though. Especially when there are people out there that have a very strong opinion of you. I have a bunch of people that have hard feeling towards me. Some I know about. Some I don't. At the end of the day, I shouldn't care what they think. But I do. Sometimes I wish they had the whole story before they formed those hard feelings. Sometimes I earned them. Sometimes I enjoyed making them mad. Sometimes while they were mad about the first stuff I added some more to make them even madder. That's how I roll. I guess sometimes, in my own defense I decided they don't like me; they will never like me, so I will make them like me the least possible. Look if they don't like you, you might as well have fun annoying them some. SIGH. I guess I have some more work to do in that department. Again people, don't expect me to find ALL the solutions to my problems. Some of them I still cling on to.

The ideal is to get to a place where you don't need to hear compliments to feel good about yourself. You get to a place where good or bad comments don't get to you. Either hard to hear or good to hear...they don't really impact you one way or another. I guess that is on my goal list. Right now, I will still avoid the bad (including the credit collectors wanting money) and squirm like a worm in the good. Again. I am a work in progress.