When we are born into a family...its yours no matter what. They may drive you crazy, they may judge you or be your best friend, they may just not get you. Its a flip of the coin what you end up with. Some of us are blessed with a family that is close no matter what happens and others have a family that is broken and even all the Kings horses and all the Kings men can't put this family back together again. I have seen family feuds, families come together in hard times and family that don't speak anymore.
I personally have a little of it all. I have less than half of my immediate family left. Its just my dad and I. We have weathered the loss of my sister, my brother and finally my mom. Just the two of us. He drives me crazy, he's been known to judge me, he has been my friend, and he will never GET me. He has held me up when I was falling fast in my own bad choices and he loves me in his own way. He is the last of that family. Over the last 7 years we have been investing in learning how to cope with each other. We still scrap over little stupid things, we still piss each other off, we still go long periods of no communication but we are learning and trying to be better to each other. I am understanding him better everyday. He is war weary. Lived a complicated life and still stands. I am built from that. I admire that. As a child you can't choose who your parents are and how much they are part of your life, but as an adult you can. Everyday I choose to be closer to him. To have a relationship that tests the pass of time. I know we can do this. Its painful figuring it out, but we will.
I've discovered that being without siblings is kinda hard. You don't have someone to complain to when your in a rip roaring fight with your parents, you don't have someone that understands your history, and your kinda lost to be honest. For the last all most 13 years I have been really lost. I was bitter. I own that. So I wouldn't make friends with anyone because I didn't want to share myself with anyone BUT a sibling. I became horribly private, secretive and lonely. I have cousins that have stepped up and taken great care of me when I needed it. A couple Aunts that have heard me out and picked me up and dusted me off and sent me off again. But I still felt like an orphan. Not by anyones fault by my own. I wouldn't let them in. I was protective of that place in my heart reserved for Jason. I'm sorry for that. I lost a lot of time and friendships mourning him.
Then one day I met Wendy. She was quirky and funny and outrageous like me. She was deep and good at pointing out the crap I was so full of. She called me on my bullshit constantly. I needed that. She challenged me to become part of the living again. She told me she was here to stay and that I can push all I want...she isn't going anywhere. And push I did. I yelled and cried and ranted and raved. I pushed and screamed and and and...healed a little. Then she got to me. She said to me this.... " What you are is a work mule. You tread along looking down because if you look up there is more work and its depressing. You see a life without Jason and its horrible to you. I challenge you to look up and see your children, see your family and see me. We are here to help you see that life isn't always hard work. You can rebuild with our help. Just give us that chance." I did. I have choose Wendy to be my sister for life. She makes me feel like a sibling all over again. We call each other when our parents make us crazy, we know each others history, we cherish our differences and we are growing up together. I feel safe for the first time in my life. I can make mistakes and I know I have people to pick me up and get me back on. Its really empowering.
Another wonderful addition to my family is Holly. She and I met while I worked a short gig at Tim Hortons. The moment I met her I knew she was forever. It was weird that either of us worked at Tim Hortons in the first place. She is experienced in bending metal and working on the field and I am office and accounting. Crazy that we both decided to go to Tims for our between gigs job. Holly is like a big sister. She mothers me like one. She constantly makes sure I take care of myself and is the rock when I'm my space cadet self. I can screw up, get lost, forget my appointments, break stuff and she comes along and fixes it. You know when I knew for sure these two girls were my sisters was when I was at Holly's hotel with her and Wendy. I fell over the side of the bed holding my glass of pop and spilled it every where. Without stopping conversation both Holly and Wendy just cleaned it up and put a towel on my head which was dripping with coke...it was automatic to fix my disasters!!! Made me laugh so hard that they are so used to my crazy random ways.
There are more amazing stories to tell. I have a few sisters now. These two have been here through the disasters and the victories. I will of course introduce you to others through the course of this blog but remember these two...they will be making quite a few guest spots.
In the end, your family is who you choose to be with forever. They can be blooded or not blooded. Its who supports you at the end of the day. When Holly was getting married the clerk asked if we were sisters and I didn't even hesitate when I said we sure are. The clerk said "I could tell, you look a lot a like." Joe, Holly's husband rolled his eyes... because Holly agreed....under oath. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
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