I AM FLAWED!!!

Well this could be hard. Admitting your own flaws. WOW.

I guess we should start with my judgement. I have horrible judgement. I would make friends with serial killers all the time if they wanted to be my friend. None have so far they think I am stalking them.

 Where do you get judgement from? Is it a learned thing or is it an instinct? Hell if I know...remember I am the one that sucks at it??!! Here is something I have learned. The choices I have made were made in huge stress. When your making choices under stressful or horrible situations I think you should get a pass card. A get out of shit free card. If I had those said cards I would be able to lay one down on the table and say " I know you want to be mad at me about this but...I have a pass card." but instead I have to face my mistakes.

Owning your bad judgement is also kinda hard. After you see your aftermath of crap, you have to say to yourself, wow I did all that with one choice. CRAP. For instance. I was married with three kids. I lost my brother and was devastated. . *Here comes the making a decision under distress* So I decide to leave my husband and not deal with a very flawed marriage. Not now. Not while I grieve. Not ever. *Here comes next bad decision* So I decide to hook up with his best friend Jerry *damn that was even a bad one for me* and forever make Glenn hate my guts. Glenn hating my guts has made our custody battle just beautiful. Its like World War 3!!! He, there for, makes decisions based on hatred and there for screws me over and over and over and over again. A little over kill I say...but ....deserved. A pass card please. Ok Glenn I know your pissed but here is my get out of crap card. TA DA. Life would rock with that pass card. But instead..you have to own your part in the crap. Take your medicine. Pay with heartache and tears and live with what you did. Argh.

You know what else I need? A person that has excellent judgement that hangs out with me all the time and says..."ummmm thats a bad idea." MAKES me listen and then chooses a better idea. Play this back with this wonderful person. "Glenn I want out of this relationship!!!!"  Good judgement person says "Bad idea for now just wait until your not crazy" TA DA..another bad choice gone.

Its not like I go out and try to cause trouble. I honestly don't. It ACTUALLY finds me. Anyone that knows me knows I am totally random. I don't have any reason or rhyme. I lose my purse, bank card, keys, important things like passports.(ok I found that one...in the bathroom)  As I age I am starting to keep better track of my stuff...sorta. I know how random I am and know the good places I normally leave things. I break lots of stuff by bumping into tables, walking into walls and knocking off pictures. I can never eat without leaving a blob of ketchup or sauce or crumbs on my shirt. I AM A DISASTER!!! There I said it. I own it. I annoy me. I have managed to surround myself with people that know I am a random disaster and they find my stuff, remind me of appointments and fix the things I broke. I hope to someday do that for myself... but I am already 36 and ...nothing is taking.