Dear Fluffy

Dear Fluffy,

It has been a long time since I have spoken up to you. I guess I was in hiding because I was afraid that you wouldn't forgive me for letting you take on, all my fears and sadness. I'm sorry I let you down and let you fall apart without my support. It was all so hard to deal with. I didn't know how to survive it all, so I let you cushion me with the fluff, to cover up my loveliness with excess and protect me from a world without Jason, without protection, without support and love, and let me disappear and grieve in silence.

I'm silent no more. I'm healed, I grieve no more, I'm strong and happy and I'm ready to roll up my sleeves and pick you up. Today and everyday after this, I will worship this body of ours, she has survived insurmountable pain, hardship and loss and I will love and nurture you Fluffy, because you protected me. You can rest now, well not really rest, because you no longer have to store our bullshit. Every pound on our body is a pound of pain I won't let reside there anymore, I love you too much, I respect you, I see you and your desperation to live and I will take us there. I know how to be healthy and how to use this body for good like hiking and skiing and all the other things I used to do with my body when I was in charge. I know how much our body should eat, because I used to eat well and take care of myself, because, here is the kicker, I used to love eating well and being active. I think you forgot how well I ate and how active I was. You'll be remembering soon.

I just want to help you get up with those extra pounds, hold you up until you can do this without it being a conscience effort. I won't let the harmful self talk be there anymore, only my voice will be there, I have the right to be there, I know your story and I know you did your very best with a life full of rollercoaster loops, only now, I'm on this ride with you and I'll be damned if you ever ride alone again.

 I am well again, I will protect you from your asshole ex husband, as if HE has the right to ridicule YOU, he forgets I know his past and if he would like me to enlighten him about it and his OWN choices and mistakes, I sure will...anytime, bring it on bucko. Leave him to me, he will piss off when I am done with him. How dare anyone prey on someone that was suffering? Well no more, I think he also forgets the girl he met 21 years ago, there is no way she would tolerate this bull crap and she isn't going to anymore. Lets play with this bully, HE won't be winning this battle, not anymore.

  I will be coaching you towards making us the same person. I will pick you up when you are tired, I will hand you an apple when you crave the sultry salty temptress Cheese Doodle, and I will love you, and take care of you like I have never done before. I'm sorry I didn't, I didn't know how special you were until you took this fat bullet for me and took care of me.

So that voice in your head...rooting for you is me, again I am sorry I took off and let you deal with all my crap, but now is the time we unite and kick this weight and be done with the sad chapter of our life. Now we will move on toward the place we would be if I hadn't left you. A place were we are happy, strong, determined, free and successful.

I will love you always,

Slim