Confusion

With all these new medications, I'm not sure what is to blame for my confusion. My head can't seem to retain any information and I miss being able to think on the fly. I guess it is good that I'm not trying to pursue my comedy career right now, because I would be screwed if someone heckled me. I can't think on the spot at all, or if I get interrupted I will never come back to the original thought. Maybe it's age??

Starting a new job ( that I love) with all the new systems and a new program to learn I'm getting frustrated with how much I am screwing up. This isn't me!!! I guess I have to slow down and take my time and learn a few things at a time, unlike my old self. In the future I guess when an employer asks what are some of my weaknesses I can say..."well I can't multi- task and I STILL can't craft, so nothing with scissors or glue..or sparkly things...WITH glue ...that stick to my fingers and make me go postal... and obsessively wash my hands to get all stick off of me...and then get an itchy nose....oh crap...I just changed topics, and I can't remember where I was going with that...SIGH.

I hate being confused. Clarity is what I crave right now. I need to take ownership of my own mistakes and sort out how to fix them and start over so I can feel complete. Maybe THAT is why I am so confused right now, I have so much I am trying to do, that my brain is going into overload. My heart is too, I have been allowing myself to feel and express and love and it is quite shocking to my system...to have attachments again.

This self improvement thing is difficult. Sitting on the couch eating cheese doodles was easier than this...but not rewarding or for the betterment of myself.

Every night, I now look at how far I have come and smile because this journey is the best thing I have ever done for myself.

Then.

I try to remember where I lost my keys.