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One-half of all Canadian women have experienced at least one incident of violence since the age of 16



Almost one-half of women reported violence by men known to them and one-quarter reported violence by a stranger


One-quarter of all women have experienced violence at the hands of their current or past marital partner (includes common-law unions)


One-in-six currently married women reported violence by their spouses; one-half of women with previous marriages reported violence by a previous spouse


More than one-in-ten women who reported violence in a current marriage have at some point felt their lives were in danger

I am ALL of these statistics.
This is something that I have been quiet about for a long time. I was ashamed that someone like me, strong, smart, athletic and blessed, could be the victim of domestic violence. I have learned a lot about it since leaving my violent marriage, these women don't stay because they are weak, they stay because they believe that they don't deserve more than what they have.

Over the years I was with HIM, I gave up more and more of myself. I quit school, because it was too hard with a child (16) I remember calling HIM to come to my school to come get Trevor because he was sick again and couldn't go to daycare. He always told me how much more important his education was compared to mine. "Your only in grade 10, I'm in grade 12 and can't miss school." he would say and hang up on me. I would beg, because I would be missing an important exam or test and he wouldn't care. I eventually barely passed a couple of my subjects and bombed the others. My parents, who already thought I was a loser being a teen parent, were disappointed but not suprized, after all, Raquel is reckless, unaccountable, and selfish. I didn't want them to hate HIM. It was hard enough having them not trust me and ashamed of me, I couldn't let them hate him too. So when they inquired about why I missed so many classes, I would tell them I skipped because I was tired, or that Trevor was sick and I had to go home. They would lecture me about being irresponsible and point out that I CHOSE to keep this child and I CHOSE the hard road. I sure did. But I didn't make this decision alone, yet I was the only one expected to live with the consequences.

Grade 12 graduation quickly approached for HIM. I was excited because then he could maybe help more and I would finish my school. My school was also getting ready for graduation. I had some great friends that were graduation that year and I was asked to go with a really great friend. I asked HIM and he didn't have a problem with it, or so I thought. I went to the graduation with all my friends, I was having a great time and mentioned I couldn't wait for HIS graduation because I was going to buy a really pretty dress. One of the friends at the table, who was a great friend of HIM said "He isn't taking you, he has already asked another girl to his grad"
"HE wouldn't!!" I cried. "You must have misunderstood, HE would never do that!"
"Ok" said the friend "But I know he asked her because I was there"

The whole world spun around, I stumbled up from my dinner table, and rushed to a phone.
He wasn't answering. I called again and again and again. The cold truth was icing my heart. No please don't let this be happening.

Somehow I got home. I got undressed and went to bed. Tomorrow he will explain the mistake. Tomorrow he will make it all better.
The next morning, from my homeroom class I called him. He answered.

"Hey, where were you last night??" I asked, scared for the answer.

"Out." he said

"Where?"

"None of your business." he sneered
"What do you mean it's none of my business?" I said, starting to get choked up.

"You heard me, NONE OF YOUR F_cking business."

"Just answer me this, then, are you taking someone else to your grad?" My mind was racing, please say no, please say no.

"Yep." he said smugly.
"WHAT!!!? How can you do that? I am the mother of your child, my parents paid for you to get there, I am your girlfriend!!"
"I guess you should have thought about that before you went out with (NAME OF GRAD DATE HERE)"

"He is my friend, I asked you and you said fine!" I cried.

"Yeah you knew I was pissed, and yet you still did it!!" He yelled.

"NO I honestly didn't think you would mind. He is my friend, he didn't have a date, I explained that to you. You said fine!!" I sobbed. By now the room was silent and listening to my conversation. HIS friend that told me that night was snickering across the room.
"Well then your f--king stupid, I have to go"

"Noooo noooo please, come here pick me up so we can talk about this...please...I beg please!!!"

"Fine. Be in front of the school in half an hour"

"Ok" I said, and shakily hung up the phone.

Half an hour later, he picked me up. We drove to a park not too far from the school. I couldn't 't go to far with Trevor in the daycare at school.

HE pulled over. "Well what do you have to say?" he said.

"You can't do this!! We chose to be a family we..."

HE freaked out. "WE DECIDED TO BE A FAMILY HUH? THEN WHY ARE YOU A WHORE AND GOING OUT WITH OTHER MEN??!"
" I asked you if I could...I thought you understood he was my friend!!! I thought you understood!!" I cried and reached out to grab him to make him understand, and then BANG. I got hit across the side of my face, with a fist. I reeled back, not sure what happened. I slumped against the passenger door and laid there dazed.

"Holy shit, you freaking hit me!!" I shouted.
"Shut the f_ck up!" he snarled. I sat up and was ready to fight.

"No man hits me like that you piece of crap" I grabbed his hair and yanked with everything I had. He punched me again, and again and again and I let go of this hair and shielded my head from the continuous blows. Soon I couldn't hear, my skull was screaming and I couldn't think.

Silence.

I was sobbing, huddled against the passenger door. Dizzy, scared and tired. My head was swimming. FIGHT!! FIGHT FIGHT my mind was telling me, he will kill you if you don't fight. With whatever I had left in me I sat up and looked over at HIM. His eyes where wild, he looked ready to strike again. I wanted him to strike again, I wanted him to kill me, I wanted to die that day. No one gives a shit about me anymore. I'm a loser, not worth anything. No one loves me anymore. So I sat up straighter and said something to provoke him.

"I dare you to go to that grad with that whore, because I will make sure to be there and attack her and make her into a bloody pulp, you forget I know where everything is happening. You forget I know how to kick some ass, you forget who I was before all this. I know how to fight, and I will make her mincemeat."

I closed my eyes, wanting the end to come, and it did. I was beaten black, my back my sides, my face my head my throat from him strangling me, bite marks all over my body from his frustrated bites. I was hammered on for at least an hour. I must have blacked out for a while, because when I opened my eyes I was in the back seat. The pain was unreal, I couldn't hear from my right ear. I was dizzy and sick, I wanted to throw up. And I was covered in my own urine. I tried to open my eyes, but they were already swelling shut.
I moaned from the intense pain from my ribcage as I tried to sit up. Where was he? I turned my face to look at the front seat, he was there, panting from the excursion of beating me. His eyes were still wild. They met mine in the rearview mirror.

"I f_cking hate you! " He yelled. " Look what you have done??!!"
"You have to take me to the hospital. I think I've got some cracked ribs" I moaned. "Please ...please take me to the hospital?" I cried through swollen lips.

"I can't freaking take you to the hospital! They will call the cops and have me arrested. They have to by law, report a suspected domestic! You f_cking knew that you .." he starts hitting me again, I reach out to stop him but grabbing his face. I dug my nails in to make him stop. He bites me on the arm again. I fall back in the back seat and he reaches over and grabs my hair and pulls me up front. I don't remember how many more blows I took, it was a lot.

I think I blacked out again. We where driving. I woke up and started crying. "Where are you taking me? Please don't hurt me anymore, please just drop me off at the hospital, I'll lie, I'll tell everyone I got into an accident, please just drop me off!!!" I screamed.

He kept driving, didn't even look at me. HE was fuming and I was scared he was taking me some where to kill me. "Please don't do this, please just drop me off, I will cover for you, I have before. Please drop me off."

" I AM YOU F-CKING B_TCH. I will never be a cop thanks to you, thanks to you my whole life is ruined." He yelled.

He hit me a few more times while driving. I didn't feel them. I couldn't feel anymore.

We got to the hospital. He stopped the engine. We sat in the parking lot. "GO" He said "Go f_ck up my life"

I can't do this, my mind screamed. Your the one not worth anything, HE has a chance, he will become something, if you don't tell, if you just cover for him. if you save him.

"G, just take me back to the school, I will pick up Trevor and go home. I will make something up to my mom. I will just cover this." I saw the darkness coming, I knew I was going to pass out. I croaked out one more thing before I did "Just let me fix this"

I woke up on the busy road heading towards my school. I was so scared. I had no idea if he was going to let me go or not. I tried for the door to fall out of the car, he saw what I was doing and pulled me by the hair and hit me on the back of the head. "Use your head!!" He yelled. "Your not jumping out of this car" We drove some more in silence. I passed out again.

Woke up in the parking lot of the 7-11 near my school. I tried the door and it opened. There were lots of people every where so HE let me go. I stumbled my way all the way to the school. I got inside and limped down the hall. I saw the darkness come over me, "Please don't pass out yet, you have to get to safety, please just a little further." I passed out in the middle of the main hallway of our school.

I woke up surrounded by students and the principal of the school. "Raquel? Raquel? Wake up!" I looked around. I was safe!! I was safe.

I was ushered to the office, where I was given ice for my face and arm that was full of bruises. My head was spinning. I threw up. The police were called. I gave a statement. A friend was called to come get me. I was too ashamed to call my mom or dad. More crap for them to be disappointed with. I was taken home first. My mom got really upset, "Why would he do this? Why Raquel?" I didn't have an answer. I wasn't sure what happened.

My friend took me to the hospital, I had a concussion and bruised ribs and multiple bite marks. Pictures where taken and processing was done. I was sent home with instructions on how to take care of my wounds. I got home, my dad was home at this time. He met me at the door, and he said "Are you a masochist? You like this kind of attention? This is what you want?"

"No" I croaked. I just wanted to lay down, I needed to sleep, I won't tell my mom I have a concussion so I can fall asleep forever.
My friend spoke up. "She has a concussion, she needs to be woken up throughout the night"
Traitor !!I thought.

I went to my room, I think my parents were saying things. My mom took some more pictures of my body, of all the bruises, the bites. I got into my pjs and laid my head down and fell asleep.
Over the next months I wasn't allowed contact with HIM. He was told to stay away from me. He didn't call even for Trevor, he didn't have any communication at all. Eventually, just before court we got back together. I asked the prosecutor to drop the charges. He can't drop domestic abuse charges but he pleaded down from Assault causing bodily harm to common assault and HE got one year probation. He asked the court to lock the records eventually when he turned 18 so he would have a chance to become a cop someday. The few cops that were in the court room rolled tier eyes and chuckled. There was no way he would pass the lie detector to make it as a city cop. They new that. HE knew that.

From that day on, I made it a point to present HIM as the best possible person to everyone. I berated myself when we made mistakes so no one would think poorly of him. I gave up going to school, so he could work and finish his electrical school. My parents believed in him, in this great person I built him up to be, and they helped him get through school. Shortly after we got back together, the abuse started again, when he found out I was pregnant again. The abuse continued throughout the pregnancy. I hid it all. The abuse. The pregnancy. Everything. In the back of my head, if I just pretended it wasn't happening, then maybe it would all go away.

It never did.

It still continues today, through our children, he still gets to me.

He will always have me.

I hope, by sharing this, he loses some of the power he has over me. The secret we have between us, isn't a secret anymore.

I won't be afraid of him now. His power is my weakness. If I believe I am worthless and a loser, then he will always rein over me. Today I take that back. My power, myself.

Like my cousin Michelle pointed out to me, maybe HE is the President and others are the co-chair people and share holders of the Raquel Hate Club, but...I.... I ... am the founder.

Starting today, and for everyday after this. I will learn to love me, and start a new club.

I will start a club that loves me, and I will be President, CEO and Soul share holder.

Where to start?

Yikes.


The above mentioned events is the  honest, personal account of the writer. Any parties involved have had names removed to protect their identitys.

:)