Making memories

I think it is important to remember who you were before you started your way in life.

I think in order to forgive myself my past and to move towards the future I have to remember myself when I was happy and content and whole.

I decided to go back to the happiest moments of my life and see what made me so happy and why I am not that way now.
My happiest moments...I guess was growing up at the lake by our house. Jason and I lived at that lake. Every morning in the summer Jason and I would grab some stuff and head over for a day of adventure.

 I remember bring fishing rods and fishing all day.  Our favorite fishin spot was on this rock that was just off the shore. It was a very large rock and we could cast our line and lay around waiting for a bite from our fish friends. Lots of time passed during our fishing trip and we spent alot of it daydreaming, skipping rocks (probably didn't help with the fishing) and talking, our conversations where about friends, mom and dad, food (we were always hungry) and fish. We imagined this huge fat fish waiting for our hook...we would wrestle it to the ground and mom would be disgusted that we brought it home. That excited us. Disgusting mom.

One one particular, fishing was long. No fish. People around us were catching fish...what the hell!!?? Jason decides our fat fish wanted something special. He dug in our dad's old fishing tackle and found some pink marshmallow things. AH HA! This is the cure. We stuck in on our line and cast it out...about a half hour later we had a bite. We reeled it in and dragged it off our rock on to the shore. We were dancing and cheering and excited, till we saw our fish... he was so small...omg he was small. Jason went over to take the hook out...tried catching it three times till he realized I was pulling on the line to keep it from him.

He gave me the finger.

Rude.

Once he took the fish off the line, we put it under water so he wouldn't suffer while we decided to keep him or not. We could keep him and take him home because he would still disgust our mom, but dad would laugh at his size, and mock us for our hunting gathering skills. Decisions decisions. There we were, squatting in the water trying to make a decision together. The decision was made for us when Jason tried to push me over into the water and I grabbed him and we both went under, Jason let go of the fish.

Man, did we laugh.

I think that moment sticks out because it was fun and easy. I was playing and it was ok to do it.

 Why when we get older, do we forget to play? Or joke and laugh or be free? If you have a family teach them how to have fun and be free and laugh.

 I should do this. I should give them some magical childhood moments that we can share with each other later.

I can't reminisce with Jason anymore, that part of my past is only mine now. I guess I am sharing it with all of you and that helps. When you lose your only sibling you lose that part of your history. No one else knows these stories, and no one can add to it. So I guess the lesson learned today is to make new stories...something that my friends, my family and I can talk about and laugh about later.

I will help my kids play and live and love and have beautiful memories of their own.

Then one day, when I am gone. They can gather with each other and remember our lives, and me, well lived, well loved, well done.

Time to play.

Come along for the ride.