When I get in shape...

When I get in shape...

Every fluffy person has this dialog where we believe when we get thin the world will drastically change for us. Maybe it would change, but maybe all the things you are waiting for, you could achieve fluffy too.

Let me try this:

 Statement: When I lose weight I will look stylish and beautiful.

Truth: I would look better in clothes. No lumps or bumps and I could bend over to tie my shoes without passing out from loss of oxygen. However I am good looking now and that won't change with a smaller size.


Statement: People will be nicer to me when I am thin.

Truth:  Probably not. Because I am pretty cute, fluffy, people aren't threatened by me. When I was in great shape people constantly miss read me and took my humour wrong. I was judged by the cover, not the book.
Now people cozy up to me and stay for a good read. I love that.

However, there is some truth in this statement too. In general people are kinder to attractive people, not saying I am unattractive, but when you are overweight you are seen as less attractive and I have noticed that "skinnies" want an explanation for your large size, why do you get away with letting everything go and being lazy? Why do I work hard everyday to maintain a healthy weight when this person does whatever they want? I sense it often. I think everyone has said something along the lines of " Promise to shoot me if I get that big" It is a terrible thing to say, but society dislikes obese.

Statement: Once I get this weight off I will feel better, get my dreams going and live a better life.

Truth: Will I live a better life? Will the things that truly matter in my life change? No. My children and husband will still love me the same. I will still have a nice home and a great job and amazing friends that love and support me. The "GREAT" part of my life is already here. Sure maybe I might have more success with the weight off but I believe I can succeed this size too. The confidence is here inside me inside us all. We just have to believe we are good enough to pull off amazing things.

Statement: I will feel better when I lose the weight.

Truth: Yes I will. I will not be out of breathe when I climb stairs, I will have less to carry around so I will be less tired. I will take pressure off all my joints and limbs and they will rejoice in that and with the healthy food choices I make, my blood pressure will stabilize, my heart will stop beating erratically and I will be able to survive life saving surgeries. This statement is completely true, but there is a glitch, until I feel better, in my heart and soul. I won't lose the weight. I am holding on to it because it shows the world I'm sad and broken and constantly  need something. I'm hungry for something but my body only understands one type of hunger. Once I figure that out, I will be well.

Statement: All the people that are disappointed in me will forgive me and love me when I am thin, beautiful and successful.


Truth: O.K. I AM SICK TO DEATH OF CARING ABOUT THIS!!! Tough shit I'm human and I was young and I am over it and to the people that want to dwell in this and keep me there, then it is time to watch Jersey Shore and judge someone else for a change. They deserve judgement...I don't, not now, not ever.

(We will come back to this at a later time when I 'm not hostile)

No wait!! This is important. I won't allow myself to make this weight loss journey about redemption. I once made a man about redemption and it turned out terrible. No longer will I seek redemption, I have more than reconciled myself of my past and now I am going towards a future of wisdom, empathy, love and courage. I will not be defined by anything other than my present self.


When I get this fluffy suit off, I just want to enjoy my body, I want to move without restriction, I want to climb without getting out of breath and I want to be pain free, my knees, my ankles and my heart.

When I get in shape I will be the same person I have always been, just better, because I knew and loved this fluffy girl first.