Detox

Well like all addicts I have to go into detox first.

Food is my drug of choice. When I feel lonely or angry or anything really I resort to food to make me feel better. So does anyone that is over weight, eating fills you up and makes that empty feeling go away.

I have to stop associating food with pleasure. I know what your thinking, why take pleasure out of eating, it will only make you hate yet another diet.

I AM NOT ON A DIET. I AM IN DETOX.  Detox isn't pleasurable, it is a time when you get all the harmful drugs out of your system, you learn to associate food at the reality of what it is, it is a means to fuel your body and keep you healthy. I have taken that association away.

As babies we are taught to eat solid foods, but adding one thing at a time to figure out if they can tolerate it. In recovering from eating addiction we have to do the same thing. Get back to the basics. I have to take no pleasure in food for at least 2 weeks to I can build a normal relationship with food. I have to worry about getting proper nutrition and that is it. So everything that I put inside myself this week with be plain and tasteless. It will have all the nutritional values, but I won't get a pleasure hit from it.

All addictions are about taking pleasure from getting away from yourself and basking in the glow of avoidance. So when I eat a moist piece of chocolate cake I escape to a place that gives me pleasure and leave from my natural state of panic.

 We all have a natural state of panic. Worry about judgement, loneliness, other peoples problems, our own problems and escape is necessary sometimes, however a physical escape is better than a addictive one.

For two weeks, I will be writing on here my feelings and NOT enjoying it. I will be miserable, because detox is like that, and I will be whole for the first time in my life.

Detox....here I come.