Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Do over.

If we pay attention, we can find a greater life, no matter where we are, no matter who we are, no matter what our circumstances are. If you tune into the mysterious coincidences in your life, if you discover and then follow your intuitions, you will find that there's a door of opportunity for a greater life for you.


Ok I'm paying attention. Not just to myself, but to the others around me. We all have great potential, we were born with all these amazing talents and gifts and throughout life something or someone took them from us.

Well I am taking it back. I am coming up with my own personal truth and only believing the TRUTH about me. Do I love to sing? YES Do I love to dance? YES!! Am I amazing? YES. So no one will ever convince me otherwise. I have to forgive myself my mistakes, and every day I am doing that more and more. I have to move on towards a place where in my heart I feel content and satisfied with my life. I have to reach up and pull out of me the best of me.

Everyone reading this should do this. All of us are struggling in our own way and we all have to reach in and find the hole in our heart and fix it. Really fix it!! WHAT is it that we are running from? What is the fear that has you not taking care of yourself, not believing in yourself and not living your best life? That fear has more power over you then the love you have for yourself and others. That fear is owning you.

I know my fear has owned me. I have made a lifetime of choices based on my fears. All my wise and unwise choices have been based on my fear of being alone and being sad. I am crippled by abandonment. I choose to have a large family because of this fear. I wanted to never be alone and made this large family to protect me from that. I was then fearful that my children would be alone and made sure that would never happen. Being a child that grew up with a sibling then suddenly becoming an only child was excruciating. I was a big sister, I was the oldest and I had a role and then suddenly I didn't have anyone to be a big sister to. I was lost...I still am, but I am finding away to fit in again. I have adopted my new sisters, I'm not really the big sister, but I am part of a family again. I am healing my relationship with my dad. That is the single most important thing I have to do. Only dad and seen and felt the pain I have, only dad has buried his pain the same way I have and only dad can heal me with his acceptance and love. My children have become the single most important thing in my life. I raised them with anger, sadness and determination; I want to spend the rest of my life raising them with love, understanding and compassion. I'm not angry anymore. I'm not angry to be in a world without my brother and my mom, I excited to live in a world that has amazing people that have adopted me, that have stayed close to me while I was falling, and a world filled with the laughter and happiness just waiting for me to obtain.

Fear isn't going to own me anymore.

My life is now a "Do Over."  I'm going to start again and do it right. I will take risks. Encourage myself. Believe in myself. Be there for myself.

I am writing my story over again, where the hero is me.
And I am rooting for her.

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