Boundaries

One of the best lessons in life that I learned and have started putting into play is making boundaries. Knowing you means knowing what you will and will not take from someone else. Having people you love and people you can't stand in your life, happens. These people have to understand your rules of play and follow them or you demand them and walk away.

For example: I was having a horrible time with my ex husband. Constant fighting, he says, she says, his wife vs. me ect ect. my kids were the causality to this war. The day I decided to make boundaries with G, his wife and my children my life became more peaceful.

The rules are simple. I will not engage in a war with them, they are not welcome into my home in any way shape or form, if they have nothing positive to say then my kids need to tell them to quit it, my kids have permission to tell me to quit it and my privacy is respected or you will not be trusted. It's a hard place to put the kids but this way there isn't any more war.

The same goes with anyone really. If you don't make me feel good, or you hurt me I owe you the truth so you can stop doing it. This is empowering. Just stating the truth in a loving way is magical. Loving yourself enough to not allow people to hurt you is amazing.

Lots of us are people pleasers, we let people have free range on our feelings and we keep it all inside because we don't want to hurt or offend anyone. Who are we helping by doing that? Them? No. They have no idea they are so offensive so they keep on taking and hurting and being selfish because they don't know otherwise. Us? Hell no. Your constantly aching because your mind believes the things someone has said against you. Then the self-doubt comes and with that, all the addictions and coping techniques we have to survive.

STOP!

Stop allowing pain to come your way. Stop being a door mat and stand up and defend yourself. STOP hurting yourself. You are the author of your story and you know who you are and you love you, would you let someone harm your mom or your children by saying things to them that would destroy them? NO! So do that for yourself, even if you have to just shout STOP to this person. When they ask what they are stopping let them have it in a loving and caring way.

Make boundaries. If you don’t have any yet then now is a good time to sit down and write some up.

Here are some to start your list.

1. I will not take any insults.

2. Comments about my lifestyle or choices will be address immediately. Example: Your house is always a mess. Your answer: My home and life shouldn't be your business. Saying that makes me feel like shit, so if you don't like my house the way it is, clean it and help me instead of getting joy from hurting me, or comparing me to you.

3. I will not allow harmful people into my life. (we all have those people lurking around, the ones that say underhanded things about you.)

4. I will only own my part of a problem. I won't take on everyone else’s.

Go from there. I now have lots of rules of conduct.

Sometimes I get a twinge of guilt when I let someone know they have hurt me or offended me.

But I have to protect the ones I love.